Synonyms for "Winter"

Apparently there are some meteorologists who need a thesaurus to describe what we call "winter."  In honor of the "polar vortex" and today's "bombogenesis," here are some new terms I have coined:

"snowcopolypse,"
"Cold Air Jet Mach 5,"
"glacial gentrification,"
"precipitation explosion,"
"snownado,"
"barometric aggression,"
"arctic annexation,"
"flurry fury," and
"snow doubt about it--you need a parka!"

People in the Lower 48 who have never experienced severe cold and snow before, you guys are worrying many of us folks up here in balmy Alaska.  Why?  Remember the motto of the Boy Scouts: Be Prepared.  Sit back and learn from a life-long Alaskan.

In March 2005, my car got stuck in snow in the middle of nowhere on an old logging road on the Parks Highways between Fairbanks and Anchorage.  I was there for 3 1/2 hours before my dad found and rescued me.  It was "only" 30 degrees, but after a while, even that gets cold.  The battery of my car and my cell phone died.  Were it not for the good people who pulled over to help, I might not be here today!  I was starting to get really disoriented and drowsy--very bad signs.  Never, ever, ever succumb to taking a nap when you're freezing because drowsiness is a sign of hypothermia.  Keep moving!

Supplies needed:

1.  A shovel, or, even better yet, a snowblower.  If you've hit the snow shoveling lottery, perhaps there is a person with a truck in your neighborhood who can plow your driveway.  Teenage boys sometimes offer to shovel snow for a price.  Now would be a good time to take them up on their offer.  Middle-aged people can get heart attacks from shoveling snow manually in their driveway.  Take precautions.

2.  Mittens are better than gloves at keeping you warm

3.  A parka.  Simple jackets aren't warm enough.

4.  Snow boots

5.  Snow pants--especially for kids playing outdoors

6. Long underwear.

7.  Grippers for your boots so you don't slip on the ice.  Remove them when you enter a building so you don't slip when you change onto a very flat surface.

8.  Access to a generator

9.  Lots of water to drink

10.  Hats and scarves.  Bundle up as much as possible!

11.  Nothing that exposes skin like skirts.  If your car gets stuck in the snow and you're exposed to the elements, you do NOT want to risk frostbite.

12.  We "winterize" our vehicles so the engine doesn't freeze.  Call an automotive shop.  It involves plugging in your car to an outdoor outlet.  If you have an autostart, count your lucky stars.  You want to be outdoors as little as possible in extreme winter weather, so having a nice, toasty car waiting for you saves time.  Never leave a person or animal in the car when it's very cold.

13.  Belong to AAA.  Their battery replacement and towing service can literally save your life.

14.  Keep your cell phone and charger with you at all times.

15.  Use an old credit card to scrape off ice inside your car windows.  There are great ice scrapers at hardware stores for outside your windshield.

16.  Keep a wool blanket, a cold weather sleeping bag, jumper cables, a spare tire, flares, anti-freeze in your car.  There's a washer fluid that exists that works well in extreme cold.  If your car has a rear windshield wiper, count your lucky stars.  Keep something with a lot of calories in it in the trunk, too, like chocolate bars.  There are instant hand warmers that come in a packet that are great.

17.  Don't forget to turn on the heat in your car dashboard.

18.  Don't drive without scraping all ice off your car windows and brushing off the snow from the lights.

19.  Find out your state's current policy on studded tires.  If they permit them, it's worth it.  Alaska would shut down if we didn't use studded tires.  There are enough car accidents due to icy roads (visible ice and invisible ice, known as black ice--both dangerous) as it is.  If your state says no, put chains on your tires.

About Fashion Choices in Extreme Winter Weather:

You know what is chic?  Not getting frostbite and losing your extremities!  Functionality and warmth are the height of chic!   As far as picking out parkas, check the label to find out how cold your prospective parka retains warmth until.  LLBean.com has some really great, super cold weather parkas.  My parka from them goes down to -50 F.

Seeing people during the "polar vortex" wearing pea coats was really disturbing!  Human skin freezes in a few seconds when it's -40 F.  People die of hypothermia pretty quickly.

More tips:

1.  Do not jog or run when it's extremely cold.  The cold air fills the lungs and you can collapse.

2.  Know the name and number of heating companies with 24-hour service.

3.  Your biggest threat is dehydration.

4.  Have a back-up plan of a place to go in case the heat goes out of your house.  Make sure everyone in your family knows where this is.

5.  Keep a full tank of gas.

6.  Go to a service station and have them check to see if your car's fluids are topped off.

7. Avoid being by yourself, especially if you're a senior!!!!

8.  No kids alone at home.